Mental Health Matters: Noticing The Signs

When we support children with disabilities, it’s not always easy to recognise when something isn’t quite right. Every child communicates differently, and distress and anxiety doesn’t always look the way we expect it to.

But it helps to remember that: every change matters. Every small difference like; shifts in behaviour, mood, connection, or physical wellbeing are worth noticing with curiosity and care.

You might see:

changes in mood or behaviour (more withdrawn, irritable, or losing interest in things they used to enjoy)
becoming overwhelmed more easily or finding it harder to cope with stress
changes in sleep or eating
more physical complaints like headaches or tummy aches
pulling away from people or activities
increased anxiety, worry, or fear
expressions of distress or hopelessness (in whatever way your child communicates)

For some children, especially those who are non-speaking, these signs can be subtle and show up through behaviour rather than words. If something feels different, or your gut is telling you something has shifted, respond to that quickly. You know your child best, and noticing these small changes is an important first step in helping them feel safe, understood, and supported.

The first step truly isn’t about having all the answers: it’s simply reaching out.

You might consider:

having a gentle conversation with your child’s school or teacher to share what you’ve noticed and see what they’re observing
connecting with your child’s allied health team (such as their psychologist, speech pathologist, positive behaviour practitioner or occupational therapist)
speaking with your child’s paediatrician or GP to explore what might be going on
keeping track of changes over time, so you can build a clearer picture of patterns or triggers

Often, it’s the shared understanding across home, school, and supports that helps things make more sense. It also shares the burden, so you don’t have to do it all on your own. Support is there to help you piece things together and find a way forward that feels right for your child. And just as importantly, be gentle with yourself in this process. You don’t have to have all the answers: noticing, wondering, and reaching out are all meaningful steps.

School Refusal

Should we force a child to go to school?

In short, no. Working together with your child and addressing the reasons they don’t want to go to school should be the priority. It is important that they feel safe and that their well-being is important to you.

It is recommended that a dialogue is opened with the child. Questions should be asked so you can get to the core reason that school refusal is taking place.

Possible questions:

If you could change one thing about your school, what would it be?
Is there anyone bothering you at school?
How can I help you with school?
Are you worried about anything at school?
How are your friendships at school going?
Is anything worrying you in general?
Is there anything you wish your teachers knew?
Is there anything you wish I knew?

Strategies for dealing with school refusal:

Stay calm – This leaves space for your child to come to you in a calm way themselves.
Use positive language – For example, instead of ‘are you going to get up and go to school today?’ try ‘what shall we do after school today?’.
Debrief daily – Open the lines of communication for your chid to share what might be bothering them.

School refusal can be very complex:

Get professional guidance – starting with school staff. Speak to the class teacher, school counsellor, student services so you can work together as a team to help your child overcome their anxiety.
Speak to your doctor/paediatrician and get the support of a psychologist or counsellor who may also help to unlock why your child is not attending school and help address the problem of getting them back to school with their well-being in mind.

The 7 Drops

Working with children can be a challenge, especially if they are not keen to work with you in return. This list outlining ‘The 7 Drops’ is something all practitioners and educators can try to aid building connections and relationships with the children they work with.

Drop your voice – lower your pitch. Show interest in what the child is doing with your voice, your facial expressions and body language.

Drop your body – get down to their level. If they are on the floor playing, ask to join in on what they are doing. Initiate taking turns if they will accept it.

Drop what you are doing – take your time to get to know them. Leave note-taking and other work for later, make spending time with them your priority.

Drop your guard – let them take risks. Encourage them to try different things and get messy and creative while doing it.

Drop your defences – keep your agenda to yourself. This is about the child’s development. Building a real connection and relationship needs to come from an authentic place. Set goals with the child so you are working towards the same outcomes.

Drop your batteries – turn your devices to silent and give them your full attention. This creates less distraction for you and good role-modelling for them.

Drop your misconception that fun is frivolous – learning through play is powerful. Rediscover your inner child and follow their lead. Have fun!