Category: School Refusal

Mental Health Matters: Noticing The Signs

When we support children with disabilities, it’s not always easy to recognise when something isn’t quite right. Every child communicates differently, and distress and anxiety doesn’t always look the way we expect it to.

But it helps to remember that: every change matters. Every small difference like; shifts in behaviour, mood, connection, or physical wellbeing are worth noticing with curiosity and care.

You might see:

  • changes in mood or behaviour (more withdrawn, irritable, or losing interest in things they used to enjoy)
  • becoming overwhelmed more easily or finding it harder to cope with stress
  • changes in sleep or eating
  • more physical complaints like headaches or tummy aches
  • pulling away from people or activities
  • increased anxiety, worry, or fear
  • expressions of distress or hopelessness (in whatever way your child communicates)

For some children, especially those who are non-speaking, these signs can be subtle and show up through behaviour rather than words. If something feels different, or your gut is telling you something has shifted, respond to that quickly. You know your child best, and noticing these small changes is an important first step in helping them feel safe, understood, and supported.

The first step truly isn’t about having all the answers: it’s simply reaching out.

You might consider:

  • having a gentle conversation with your child’s school or teacher to share what you’ve noticed and see what they’re observing
  • connecting with your child’s allied health team (such as their psychologist, speech pathologist, positive behaviour practitioner or occupational therapist)
  • speaking with your child’s paediatrician or GP to explore what might be going on
  • keeping track of changes over time, so you can build a clearer picture of patterns or triggers

Often, it’s the shared understanding across home, school, and supports that helps things make more sense. It also shares the burden, so you don’t have to do it all on your own. Support is there to help you piece things together and find a way forward that feels right for your child. And just as importantly, be gentle with yourself in this process. You don’t have to have all the answers: noticing, wondering, and reaching out are all meaningful steps.

Carer Burnout – February Musings

It is probably an opportune time to talk about the very real ongoing pressures that carers and families face every day.

There is a relentlessness of daily routines, therapies, school refusals, health practitioner refusals and ongoing meltdowns. Let’s face it, not many in the everyday community have any idea what a day looks like for many who care for anyone with complex needs. They might have empathy on the surface but that is where it ends. Often, we are also barraged by completing forms, forms for Centrelink, forms for NDIS and other government departments especially when your child is becoming a young adult – without the ability to make these decisions for themselves.

Then the ongoing s***show that is NDIS, whereby the community and media is constantly disparaging it for overspending, and then the resulting unjustified cuts to participants budgets leading many to bow out of the system altogether that was principally designed to help people with disability lead a more dignified and safer life. Somehow putting extreme pressure on parents to provide yet more reports from therapists or even worse, get a re-diagnosis because what was gold standard 5-10 years ago has been replaced and it no longer fits their tick box system.

Pressures on carers are at an all-time high and many have little to no supports outside of this system of NDIS providers as all previous groups and supports disappeared when NDIS took over.

For me personally, I have reached out to Carers SA which is based in Adelaide however I know that the Carer Gateway https://www.carergateway.gov.au/ can link you with services in your own cities https://www.carergateway.gov.au/about-us/local-service-provider. I now belong to a peer group, which is designed to support carers in a small group setting, a social group which is an outing with other carers, an opportunity to get out and about and there is also 1-1 counselling. The counselling only encompasses 6 sessions, but it might be a circuit breaker for some who need 1-1 support outside of a group setting. These services are free of charge which makes it a little different to the Medicare supported psychology sessions which can have a significant gap which many can’t afford. Carer supported groups and counselling can make the isolation and stress a little easier to bear, as you are surrounded by people who ‘get it’ and are non-judging of your circumstances.

Please reach out to the Carer Gateway if you think you could benefit, I know it helped me and it might help you too.

School Refusal

Should we force a child to go to school?

In short, no. Working together with your child and addressing the reasons they don’t want to go to school should be the priority. It is important that they feel safe and that their well-being is important to you.

It is recommended that a dialogue is opened with the child. Questions should be asked so you can get to the core reason that school refusal is taking place.

Possible questions:

  • If you could change one thing about your school, what would it be? 
  • Is there anyone bothering you at school?
  • How can I help you with school?
  • Are you worried about anything at school? 
  • How are your friendships at school going? 
  • Is anything worrying you in general?
  • Is there anything you wish your teachers knew?
  • Is there anything you wish I knew?

Strategies for dealing with school refusal:

  • Stay calm – This leaves space for your child to come to you in a calm way themselves.
  • Use positive language – For example, instead of ‘are you going to get up and go to school today?’ try ‘what shall we do after school today?’.
  • Debrief daily – Open the lines of communication for your chid to share what might be bothering them.

School refusal can be very complex:

  • Get professional guidance – starting with school staff. Speak to the class teacher, school counsellor, student services so you can work together as a team to help your child overcome their anxiety.
  • Speak to your doctor/paediatrician and get the support of a psychologist or counsellor who may also help to unlock why your child is not attending school and help address the problem of getting them back to school with their well-being in mind.