Category: Coaching

Self-Care for Carers

Raising a child with a disability can be incredibly stressful. It is well known that chronic stress can cause many health issues, ranging from sleeping difficulties, chronic anxiety, clinical depression and a weakened immune system. While anything medical should be seen to by a doctor, it is also important to look at your life holistically and practice some self-care when you can.

For example:

  • Taking at least one hour of time to yourself a week to do things you enjoy – get a massage, read a book, watch a show/movie,
  • Incorporating a short practice of mindfulness into your daily routine – Box Breathing can help reduce stress and calm feelings of anxiety.
  • Mapping out your network of support so you know who to call upon when you’re in need of some assistance
  • Engaging in a practice of self-reflective journaling

School Refusal

Should we force a child to go to school?

In short, no. Working together with your child and addressing the reasons they don’t want to go to school should be the priority. It is important that they feel safe and that their well-being is important to you.

It is recommended that a dialogue is opened with the child. Questions should be asked so you can get to the core reason that school refusal is taking place.

Possible questions:

  • If you could change one thing about your school, what would it be? 
  • Is there anyone bothering you at school?
  • How can I help you with school?
  • Are you worried about anything at school? 
  • How are your friendships at school going? 
  • Is anything worrying you in general?
  • Is there anything you wish your teachers knew?
  • Is there anything you wish I knew?

Strategies for dealing with school refusal:

  • Stay calm – This leaves space for your child to come to you in a calm way themselves.
  • Use positive language – For example, instead of ‘are you going to get up and go to school today?’ try ‘what shall we do after school today?’.
  • Debrief daily – Open the lines of communication for your chid to share what might be bothering them.

School refusal can be very complex:

  • Get professional guidance – starting with school staff. Speak to the class teacher, school counsellor, student services so you can work together as a team to help your child overcome their anxiety.
  • Speak to your doctor/paediatrician and get the support of a psychologist or counsellor who may also help to unlock why your child is not attending school and help address the problem of getting them back to school with their well-being in mind.

CHIME – A Framework for mental health recovery

Connection

Contact with peers

Good relationships

Support from others

Being part of the community

Hope

Optimism about the future

Believing in health

Feeling motivated

Positive thinking

Having dreams and aspirations

Identity

Having a positive sense of yourself

Feeling able to be yourself

Dealing with stigma

Seeing the whole person

Meaning

Making sense of your experiences

Knowing what’s important to you

Having purpose

Understanding your world

Feeling valued

Empowerment

Being responsible for your own wellbeing

Feeling capable

Being able to see your strengths

Learning by doing

Anxiety Strategies & Techniques – (3-3-3)

I will be writing a series about some simple techniques which could help children and adults with triggered anxiety to help manage their symptoms. (Please note that severe anxiety which is impacting significantly on a person’s life may need the intervention of medical professionals and trained therapists).

The 3-3-3 technique is a wonderful tool to use with children as it is easy for them to remember. The objective is for them to feel more mindful, focused and grounded when their anxiety is starting to feel overwhelming.

3-3-3 involves the person identifying 3 objects around them they can see, 3 things that they can hear and moving 3 body parts (ie their fingers, wrists and toes). It works to reconnect the person with their physical surroundings and become aware of their body movements instead of their symptoms of anxiety like intrusive thoughts. Some steps from Choosing Therapy:

Step 1: Focus on 3 Objects You Can See

Focusing on things that you can see helps you become visually aware of your surroundings. You can notice big objects such as a tree or a chair, or you can look for smaller, more discreet objects such as a pencil or a coin. The idea isn’t necessarily to have objects in mind that you want to see, but rather to focus on the world around you. This helps you deal with your anxiety by removing you from the mental chatter causing you stress.

Step 2: Focus on 3 Things You Can Hear

Pinpointing sounds is another great way to help you deal with anxiety. Diverting your attention to your environment can help you transition from a state of inward thinking to one in which you’re connected to your surroundings instead. However, depending on your location, you may have a hard time isolating sounds. Some things to listen for include a clock ticking, clacking of keys on a keyboard, or someone sniffling. If you are somewhere outdoors, you may notice leaves rustling in the wind, cars passing by, or dogs barking.

Step 3: Focus on 3 Things You Can Touch/Move

Lastly, find three things that you can touch or move. These can be within your reach or even parts of your body. Identifying tangible items is one of the fastest ways to ground yourself when you’re feeling anxious. Teaching yourself to focus on the physical environment helps you feel anchored and reminds you to be present.

School Holiday Survival Guide

As the summer holidays approach, this time can be a cause of anxiety for children who are out of routine for 8 weeks as well as their parents and caregivers who may struggle to find things to do.

When you have the added stress of having a child with a disability, activities which other children and their families find fun could have the complete opposite affect due to extra crowd numbers and noise.

Every child is different, so finding the right activity is important. Here are some Adelaide (and surrounds) based activities to consider:

AT HOME

  • Arts and Craft – craft activities, painting, drawing, stickers, chalk
  • Water Play – buckets, cups, boats, balls, paintbrushes
  • Build a Castle – pillows, chairs, table, sheets
  • Create a Reading/Play Nook – move furniture, blankets, pillows, books
  • Sensory Play – shaving foam, play-doh, floof, slime, magnetic sand
  • Gross Motor Play – trampoline, fitball, musical instruments
  • Cooking

FREE COMMUNITY ACTIVITIES

PAID COMMUNITY ACTIVITIES

Helping Special Needs Parents

Caring for a child with special needs is challenging. It can also be thankless, relentless and make parents feel invisible within their friendship groups and families.

The best way to support carers is by making them feel like they are not alone in their struggles. Joining groups that are designed with carers in mind is a good option. I am a big advocate of Carers SA, soon to become the Carer Gateway in April 2020. However, not everyone wants to be a part of a group situation, preferring 1-1 support and familiar people only.

It is important to provide carers with choices about the type of support they need. It might be a peer support group, 1-1 counselling, carer outings or simply family and friend gatherings in supportive environments.

Providing a safe environment for the carer and the person they are caring for will be greatly appreciated and may work to ease the social isolation that many carers feel in their role. Planning inclusive events may require a little extra effort but asking questions of the carer about what would make it a more successful event for them, will go a long way in helping them feel enjoyment and a sense of belonging.

Here are some other practical ways you can help special needs parents.

Music

Listening and playing music has many benefits for our wellbeing, physical health and emotional regulation. It can keep us feeling happy, motivated and ease symptoms of depression.

While the above graphic references classical music, there is power in all types of music if it is enjoyed. Teenagers and small children are often drawn to and enjoy listening to music through YouTube, television, movies and gaming. And while the mode of sharing music is mostly digital or online in the modern world, it is possible to access the classics from previous generations if this is what you enjoy.

It is important to find music that you enjoy and a good place to find new music is to look on the current charts, take note of music you hear in the shows you like and look up songs and albums written and performed by the same artists. You can do this for free on platforms such as YouTube and Spotify. Add some headphones (noise cancelling if you want to remove environmental noise distractions), get listening and enjoy the benefits.

Be Grateful For What You Have

A short video powerfully depicting the importance of being grateful and mindful for what you have in life.

A little thing you can do to practice gratefulness is to keep a journal and write a point or two each day about the things you were grateful for. It could be as simple as a chat with a friend that made you feel special, a goodnight kiss from your child or a delicious cup of coffee that you didn’t have to make yourself. You will be surprised at how many beautiful moments we overlook each day. Take the time to remember and cherish them. If you wrote 2 each day, there would be 730 happy memories to be grateful for and mindful of each year.

The 7 Drops

Working with children can be a challenge, especially if they are not keen to work with you in return. This list outlining ‘The 7 Drops’ is something all practitioners and educators can try to aid building connections and relationships with the children they work with.

Drop your voice – lower your pitch. Show interest in what the child is doing with your voice, your facial expressions and body language.

Drop your body – get down to their level. If they are on the floor playing, ask to join in on what they are doing. Initiate taking turns if they will accept it.

Drop what you are doing – take your time to get to know them. Leave note-taking and other work for later, make spending time with them your priority.

Drop your guard – let them take risks. Encourage them to try different things and get messy and creative while doing it.

Drop your defences – keep your agenda to yourself. This is about the child’s development. Building a real connection and relationship needs to come from an authentic place. Set goals with the child so you are working towards the same outcomes.

Drop your batteries – turn your devices to silent and give them your full attention. This creates less distraction for you and good role-modelling for them.

Drop your misconception that fun is frivolous – learning through play is powerful. Rediscover your inner child and follow their lead. Have fun!