Caring for a child with special needs is challenging. It can also be thankless, relentless and make parents feel invisible within their friendship groups and families.
The best way to support carers is by making them feel like they are not alone in their struggles. Joining groups that are designed with carers in mind is a good option. I am a big advocate of Carers SA, soon to become the Carer Gateway in April 2020. However, not everyone wants to be a part of a group situation, preferring 1-1 support and familiar people only.
It is important to provide carers with choices about the type of support they need. It might be a peer support group, 1-1 counselling, carer outings or simply family and friend gatherings in supportive environments.
Providing a safe environment for the carer and the person they are caring for will be greatly appreciated and may work to ease the social isolation that many carers feel in their role. Planning inclusive events may require a little extra effort but asking questions of the carer about what would make it a more successful event for them, will go a long way in helping them feel enjoyment and a sense of belonging.
Listening and playing music has many benefits for our wellbeing, physical health and emotional regulation. It can keep us feeling happy, motivated and ease symptoms of depression.
While the above graphic references classical music, there is power in all types of music if it is enjoyed. Teenagers and small children are often drawn to and enjoy listening to music through YouTube, television, movies and gaming. And while the mode of sharing music is mostly digital or online in the modern world, it is possible to access the classics from previous generations if this is what you enjoy.
It is important to find music that you enjoy and a good place to find new music is to look on the current charts, take note of music you hear in the shows you like and look up songs and albums written and performed by the same artists. You can do this for free on platforms such as YouTube and Spotify. Add some headphones (noise cancelling if you want to remove environmental noise distractions), get listening and enjoy the benefits.
A short video powerfully depicting the importance of being grateful and mindful for what you have in life.
A little thing you can do to practice gratefulness is to keep a journal and write a point or two each day about the things you were grateful for. It could be as simple as a chat with a friend that made you feel special, a goodnight kiss from your child or a delicious cup of coffee that you didn’t have to make yourself. You will be surprised at how many beautiful moments we overlook each day. Take the time to remember and cherish them. If you wrote 2 each day, there would be 730 happy memories to be grateful for and mindful of each year.
Finding and maintaining friendships can be difficult for many people but when you are a carer, it can feel impossible to find people who you truly connect with.
If you don’t have many friends, joining interest clubs such as a camera club, carer groups and activities, school events and online communities are some ways that you can find others who have similar interests as you.
Taking the time to build positive friendship connections increases your sense of well-being and gives you a wider world view. And by regularly talking to others, it can help reduce overall feelings of loneliness and isolation.
It is really important that when you find those connections with others that you take the time to nurture those people and share your highlights and lowlights equally. Make the time to listen to one another, have a laugh and support each other not only in the sad times but also in your endeavours and dreams.
People who are truly happy are out and about living life, enjoying their passions, doing good work and being good people. Chase your own passions and follow your own path. You will be amazed at who you find when your paths eventually cross. You will find those special people who ‘go together’ with you, who make you smile, who inspire you to do what you love and who believe in you, even when you struggle to believe in yourself.
To adequately take care of others, we must take care of ourselves and this starts with getting enough sleep and rest. If like many carers, you find it difficult to get to sleep and stay asleep, you are likely suffering from sleep deprivation and feeling lousy as a result. The reasons for sleep deprivation can be caused by disrupted sleep from the person we are caring for to finding sleep difficult because of ongoing stress and anxiety.
For each person, finding what relaxes us is the most important thing. While in the list below, number 2 can be a cause of sleeplessness in some, for others it may provide a valuable tool to quieten an overactive mind. Streaming services such as Netflix provide easy and advertisement free entertainment in the comfort of your own home. This is particularly attractive if you are restricted from going out because of your caring role.
Keeping an appreciation, worries, or to do journal can also help those who have an overactive mind, jotting down things that need to be done and things you are grateful for can prove helpful to rest your mind in the evening. Others techniques may include the use of mindfulness and meditation, listening to the radio and music, reading books and magazines or playing solo games on apps like Wordscapes, Happy Color and 4 Pics 1 Word.
It is worth taking some the time to find out what works for you and creating a routine that helps you reset for the next day.
10 Ways To Improve Your Sleep:
Create a restful environment – A dark, quiet and cool bedroom signals to your brain it’s time to wind down.
Limit screen time – Avoid iPads, mobiles, laptops and television at least one hour before bed. They emit blue light which the brain perceives as daylight. (i-devices have a night shift mode which alters the colours of your display after dark also).
Establish a bedtime routine – Doing a calming activity an hour before bedtime trains the brain to know when it’s time for bed. Try a warm bath or shower, light stretches or reading a book by soft light. Avoid anything stressful. If something is on your mind, jot it down.
Ditch the stimulants – Avoid caffeine, nicotine and alcohol at least six hours before bedtime as they accelerate the heart rate and blood pressure.
Don’t count sheep – If after twenty minutes in bed, you’re struggling to fall asleep, go to another room and do something relaxing for half an hour. Remember to dim the lights and avoid screens.
Consistent sleep and wake times – Try to wake up and go to bed as close to the same time each day as possible, even on the weekends.
Keep evening meals light – Heavy, spicy, acidic or fatty foods within two hours of bedtime can trigger or aggravate indigestion, acid reflux and heart burn. If you are hungry, snack on yoghurt, nuts or a banana.
Time your exercise right – As little as 10 minutes of daily cardio can increase the amount of deep, restorative stages of sleep. Avoid strenuous activity at least two hours before bedtime.
Balance fluid intake – Hydration is important. Too little and you’ll wake through the night thirsty and too much, you’ll be disrupted by the urge to go to the bathroom. Remember to empty your bladder one last time before bed to avoid being woken up.
Let there be light – Adequate sunlight exposure helps us stay in tune with natural day-night rhythms connected to our internal body clock. The light will help to wake you up and maintain energy levels.
Adapted from ‘The Hidden Risks of Sleep Deprivation’ Carer News 2019 Edition 2